How to (not) lose weight after pregnancy

11 months ago –

I looked with dismay at my ever-increasing girth. Not even XXL would fit me, let alone the dainty designer wear salwars that I had stitched 6 months back.

Hubby watched me admiring myself in the mirror and said “Don’t worry. You’ll be back to normal within 3 months after your delivery.” I snorted in reply. As if he understood what female bodies go through to have a kid.

9 months ago –

D-day just one month away and I was now officially waddling like a duck Pregnant Woman(not that I walked much differently before, but still). I could neither stand, sit nor lie down comfortably. Either my back was aching or my legs or my shoulders or ……the list went on.

Then came D-Day. A beautiful little baby – I was half relieved. At least now I didn’t have to carry him around in my belly, I could comfortably pass him over to my mom or my hubby. Of course, my size problem still existed. Though the baby was out, I still looked like I was carrying another one inside.

My mom contributed her share to the efforts to get rid of my girth – by hiring a maid to take care of post delivery ‘uzhichil’ and ‘pizhichil*’. In India, a lot of care is given to a woman after delivery. A special woman is hired who is an expert masseuse and expertise in post-delivery care. The lady is also in charge of washing both mother and baby’s clothes as well as bathing them. She is hired for 28 or 56 days. Or even more, depending on the family’s affluence or preference. In my case, the maid was a 70-year old lady. She would come every morning ready to take care of us and would leave by noon, after bathing us and washing our clothes. It is assumed that the exertions of this lady on the mother’s body will cut her girth and bring her body back to pre-delivery proportions (more or less).

Lavana TailamOf course, my body was the unyielding type….no matter what, it had no intention to go back to its previous state. Finally, around 6 months ago, I started pestering Hubby to get me one of those new ‘Lavana Thailams‘…the wonder oil which was being touted as the latest slimming device. After pestering and pouting for half a day, he finally agreed to get a bottle for me – with a clause – “You should use it regularly, just as instructed on the bottle.” Of course, since I was dead set on slimming, I would have agreed to just about anything right then. I couldn’t wait to try its slimming properties. I started envisaging myself in designer wear, all toned and slimmed down…all thanks to Lavana Thailam.

The “Lavana thailam” craze lasted for approximately 2 months. By then I had joined back for work and I tried to ‘convince’ myself that I no longer had time to try out such oils any longer ๐Ÿ™‚

Then, came crash diets of varying durations – none lasting more than a week. One of my dieting formula was Water Therapy. The diet was very simple – wake up in the morning and fill my belly with plain water before breakfast. The result – I would be too full of water to eat breakfast. The consequence – I would be ravenous by 10 am and ready to eat an elephant then. Needless to say, the diet sank in water before very long.

Those were my efforts at reducing weight – and it was my dearest wish to appear ‘nymph-like’ for my baby’s 1st birthday party. Well, I still have 3 whole months left. Maybe, Google will help me find some course which does not involve exercise of any form (did I mention that I am allergic to exercise?) and will magically lift all the bulgesย  from my figure ๐Ÿ™‚

The last time I mentioned my weight, Hubby completely agreed with my comments and said, “You are right. You look very fat in that dress.” That put up my dander. I immediately said – ” See, I need some clothes. I don’t have a single one that fits me decently.” And I managed to spend around Rs. 2000 on clothes the same day ๐Ÿ™‚

Now, every time I mention my weight, my husband raises his eyebrows in wonderment and says -” Who said that you are fat? You look slimmer than ever before.” Or he pretends to be engrossed in something else. Hmmmm, guess I need a new ploy to get Hubby to buy me dresses ๐Ÿ˜€

*Uzhichil and Pizhichil – the Malayalam terms for Ayurvedic massage.

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